All Theatre Should Start at 7:00

Last night, Mommy and I put on our Tuesday Best and went to the theatre to see Man and Boy starring Frank Langella and, one of my favorite actors, Some Other Guy:

Actual Press Release

And it was good.  Frank Langella carried the entire play on his oversized shoulders.  The set was dapper.  There were other people in it.  Costumes happened. Sound, too. Also, lighting, plotline and talking!  This play had it all!

No, really, it was good. 

But it would have been ENJOYABLE if it had started at 7 instead of 8.  Because it had a run time of 2.5 hours.  And by 8:00 on Tuesday evening, the common theatre-going folk are generally a tad bit tired.  And this happens:

Now listen.  I know that my timeline differs from the general Broadway actor's.  They are people of the night;  I am forced out into the sunlight every morning along with the rest of the working folk.

In order to demonstrate how we are different, I will compare my general timeline to big Broadway star Frank Langella's.

11:00PM - 2:00AM :

Gina goes to bed but stays awake for three hours, thinking and re-thinking Almost to Every possible scenario of Doom that could ever happen, i.e. whether there really will be a warning of trumpets announcing the arrival of the Apocalypse and, if so, should she pack a bag or not.

Frank Langella gets a lapdance and does a shot every time someone uses his full name in a sentence.

2:00AM - 7:00AM :

Gina has a restless sleep

Frank Langella parties with strippers

7:00AM - 8:30AM :

Gina gets ready for work with eyes that won't stay open and a mind that won't cooperate.

It takes three armed guards to hoist Mr. Langella over their shoulders and back to his secret hotel room at the Plaza, where they dump him on the floor and haphazardly cover him with a blanket.

8:30AM - 9:45AM:

Gina commutes to work.

Frank Langella awakes long enough to remove the panties from his mouth.

10:00-4:00

Gina works at a desk in an office, like most offices, with artificial lighting.

Frank Langella sleeps peacefully in a gin-induced slumber.

4:00-7:00

Gina meets up with mommy and they wander around semi-aimlessly, trying to pass the THREE HOURS before the play.

Frank Langella stirs.

7:00-8:00

Gina and Mommy FINALLY get into the theater, where they take their seats and realize they're going to fall asleep.

7:00-7:35

Frank Langella sleeps.

7:36- 7:55

Frank Langella sleeps

7:55

Frank Langella awakes, throws his clothes on and dashes to the theater where the show stars 20 minutes late.

NOW WE ALL KNOW WHY!

Anyway, my general point is, Frank Langella puts people to sleep.
And also, theatre would be better if it started at 7 because then we'd get out an hour earlier and wouldn't get stuck on an N that decides to go local.